\\ Metal, mayhem and fandom. Hooper. Male. 21 Taken.









orc-freakin-believable:

Even more hella

gnarly:

LMAO

(Source: delphineeskimopie, via iamnotcreativeenoughforthiscrap)

greencrook:

greencrook:

greencrook:

There’s a very drunk man down my street who has been flirting with a tree for twenty minutes now.  

He’s on his knees now. I think he’s proposing. 

Drunk man currently walking away from the tree, shouting “YOU’RE ALL THE SAME”. 

(via makemyheadswim)

geekygeekweek:

Reasons Why Sauron is Actually a Really Great Guy 

Some funny edits on why Sauron is actually a really great guy by Tumblr user alpha-blaziken.

[Source: alpha-blaziken on Tumblr | Via]

(Source: geeksaresexy.net)

Just two bros having a conversation. »

hotel-job:

MALE GUEST: I need a massage in my room. Now.
MALE CONCIERGE: Well, we can call and make an appointment for as soon as possible. $175 for an hour. Do you have a preference of a male or female masseuse?
MALE GUEST: Female. Of course. You really have to ask that?
MALE CONCIERGE: Um, yes. Some men…

Sawng and Daaaance. »

hotel-job:

(A woman with a THICK “Lawng Island” accent comes up to the desk.)

GUEST: We want a CLASSY Broadway show. CLASSY.
CONCIERGE: Great. I might recommend—
GUEST: Like, we know theater. We’re not hicks. We’re from Long Island. Something really upscale. Not the old tourist shows.
CONCIERGE: Well, you…

let me check my other drawer »

hotel-job:

GUEST: Hallo, I am sorry, my English is not very good… (starts leaning over to look around my desk)
CONCIERGE: Not a problem! What do you need?
GUEST: I am not sure the English word for this…
CONCIERGE: Map?
GUEST: No…
CONCIERGE: Business card of the hotel?
GUEST: No….
CONCIERGE: Hmmm…
GUEST: I…

Snatch/Snack »

hotel-job:

(A foreign guest approaches the desk.)

GUEST: Ehhhh, yes. Where can I get some snatch?
CONCIERGE: Can you repeat that?
GUEST: Um, ehhh. Sorry. Ummm… how do I say… I want snatch now?
CONCIERGE: One more time, can you repeat that?
GUEST: Yes. Ehhhh. Snatch now, please.
CONCIERGE: I’m not…

In 1 minute from kiddies to romantical to Obama. »

hotel-job:

GUEST: Looks like kiddie day out there!
CONCIERGE: (no idea what that means) Uh-huh.
GUEST: Kiddies, kiddies, kiddies! It’s like they’d never seen anyone smoke, ya know what I mean? It’s just a cigarette, kids.
(The Concierge sees other guests waiting.)
CONCIERGE: So how can I help you?
GUEST:…

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so... scared. »

hotel-job:

GUEST: Excuse me, but you need to call the Airlink shuttle for us. They just dropped us off and we have a problem with the luggage.
CONCIERGE: Ok. You left a piece of luggage on there?
GUEST: Yes. We grabbed this one instead. We were in a hurry and couldn’t find our suitcase so we just grabbed…

"This is 2014"

hotel-job:

Here’s a submission from “A” who works in the West Village.

GUEST: Hi, what’s your policy on pets in the hotel?
CONCIERGE: Well, sir, I’m happy to report that we allow dogs and cats, provided that-
GUEST: What about pigs?
CONCIERGE: (looks over desk. There is a black potbellied pig the size of a Labrador wearing a tie dye harness.)
CONCIERGE: I’m afraid not, sir.
GUEST, suddenly angry: They’re NOT allowed?
CONCIERGE: No, sir.
GUEST: This is 2014!!!!!!!!

"Art People" »

hotel-job:

(A married couple in their late-40’s approaches the desk.)

MAN: What’s that building we see when we look out our window?
CONCIERGE: What does it look like?
WOMAN: It’s not the Empire State Building. It’s the one when we face the window next to the bathroom.
CONCIERGE: Closer to the East River?

unimpressedcats:

pizza face

unimpressedcats:

pizza face

(Source: catasters, via fucken-stupid)

tobiasxva:

I love accurate deadpool cosplay gifs.

This is why we need a real R rated Deadpool movie.

(Source: bored-no-more, via makemyheadswim)

hiddenlex:

bestnatesmithever:

karenfelloutofbedagain:

theunknown-abyss:

Louis CK on our culture on dating

I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR THIS MAN.

'Ugh, I hope this one's nice'

I may or may not have referenced this joke when making a point today. 

(via makemyheadswim)